OCD is something that many of us have heard of, but quite often, don’t really understand. The phrase: “Oh you’re so OCD” gets thrown around a fair bit, especially if somebody is cleaning and tidying a lot. Before I knew what was going on with my own mind, I thought that OCD was just about people being annoyed when objects were out of place.
My Experience with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder…
Something that you may not know about me is that I suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder and have done for most of my life. And whilst I don’t have it to the point where it fully takes over my life, it does make situations quite difficult for me from time to time.
OCD is an anxiety disorder that is influenced by thoughts that cause uneasiness, fear and apprehension. In turn, the sufferer feels that they have to eradicate these feelings by completing repetitive behaviour. I have suffered many waves of OCD throughout my life, however, I predominantly carry out certain ‘rituals’ because if I don’t, something bad will happen.
When I was seven years old I went through a phase of having to make a clicking noise with my tongue three times in a row – If I didn’t, something bad would happen. This carried on for a while until my ‘thing’ turned to multiplying everything by five, touching everything I saw and missing one step on the stairs.
As a young child, I had no idea why I was doing it and obviously felt very self-conscious of it. I felt too scared to talk to my Mum and Dad about it. In the grand scheme of things, I wish I had of done because it turned out that they too have their own rituals that they have to do! After a while, I never had anything strange happen again for years. Of course, I had my little quirks but nothing that got annoying.
It was only very recently that my OCD has started to become quite intrusive again. I think it has been sparked by the anxiety surrounding the death of grandparents. I have started thinking that if I don’t do certain things, something bad will happen to more of my family members.
Ofcourse, I know that it is all in my head but I do worry sometimes that my OCD is getting a little out of control. Plug sockets are becoming a bit of an issue, I am constantly checking that plugs are turned off in case the plug starts a fire. I always make sure I say I love you to my nearest and dearest to the point where it is becoming obsessive, I can’t not say it or yes, you guessed it, something bad will happen.
Anxiety is such a deliberating issue and it really can eat away at you. I just try to tell myself that if something bad is going to happen then it’s out of my control any way and by doing crazy rituals the outcome won’t change.
OCD isn’t just about being tidy, it’s a horror of a mind game that can make you feel ashamed and lonely. If you feel like you might have some traits of suffering from OCD, I definitely recommend checking out this MIND article on how you can help yourself.
Hi, I think its really brave of you to write about your OCD. My sister suffered with it for quite a few years but she went to see somebody about it and it has completely changed her life. She almost changed into a different person. I saw such a great change in her that I'm now studying to be a Clinical Psychologist so that I can help people in similar positions. I know you might worry about how they would react but have you ever thought about going to see somebody about your problem? It could change your life drastically xxxxx
Thankyou so much for your lovely comment. I haven't ever considered seeing anybody, but if it made such a positive change to your sisters life, then it's definately a consideration! x
Mine is like this, I have to check everything twice to make sure its off and say I love you or something bad happens. The whole 'do this or something bad happens' is taking over, horrible!! x
I am the same Jessica! Try to be strong! x
Hello lovely, I don't think you really know me but I have followed your blog for ages and this post stuck a personal chord with me. I also wrote about my experiences with OCD which I have had for around 7 years ( http://www.flawsandall.co.uk/2013/10/its-not-just-handwashing-my-ocd-and-me.html ) and my obsessive thoughts were surrounding my family and boyfriend's safety and health too. You are just going through a blip and you are strong enough to feel better like you did the last time. If you find everything getting a bit overwhelming then don't hesitate to go to your GP where they will hopefully refer you to get some CBT. If you ever want to email me then my address is on my blog, I know how much it can help to speak to someone who has been through something similar. Love, Amy xxx
Hello Amy, thankyou for your lovely comment! Thankyou so much. I have read your post and you are so brave! I'd love to speak with you more about your story!, so inspirational! Hollie xxx